The Main Event – My battle with Weight and Finding My Inner Goddess!

Round Three: Overcoming Demons

I was in a dark place and decided that the best course of action was to act like everyone else my age and hide behind drinking and partying. I lost sight of who I was and what I wanted out of life. I was acting in a negative way and therefore negative things happened in my life. I got involved with the wrong crowds, stayed out late, worried my poor mother almost to an early grave, and did not pursue my goals I had set as a young child to become a doctor. I was wasting my life and then… I finally snapped out of it and not a moment too soon. A lot of the people that I was hanging around with got involved in illegal activity and most of them ended up in and out of jail.

That was my wake up call and so I decided to get serious about my life. I was twenty and started dating this guy who seemed sweet and sincere. He had great eyes and an infectious smile which was almost the end of me. I had this idea to start a line of fragrances’ and he was quick to jump on board with the idea. We started out small and then became somewhat successful. He was the biggest mistake of my life- long story short, he stole money and left me homeless, and then he took his own life. After that, I gained a huge amount of weight due to stress and depression so I moved to Cleveland to live with my Aunt and get my life back on track once again. I tried everything from walking to running in order to lose the 60 pounds I gained, but there was one thing that eluded me and that was the concept of eating right. I was working out and not losing a pound, in fact I was gaining weight. I continued to walk to work every day and had all but given up until I met Joe.

Joe had the body of a Greek God! Some say that he looks like an anatomy chart and it is kind of true. He was gorgeous and I thought I had a less than zero chance. I just stared at him from a far every time he would come into the store I was working at. Then one day I noticed he was coming in for no apparent reason. He would just come up to the counter and talk to me for hours and my boss finally had to tell him to ask me out or buy something and so he asked me out. We hit it off and unofficially dated for a few months before I moved back to Colorado. Once I got settled back home he came for a visit and one thing led to another and he moved out to Denver.

He was what I like to call the” Fitness Nazi” and it was exactly what I needed. He taught me about eating well and working out regularly and it wasn’t long until I was back in great shape and feeling good about myself. This time it was different, I finally started to accept myself for who I was. I started to embrace my curves and love my body for everything it was and wasn't. I had finally gotten to a place where I was truly happy with the way I looked and I had decided that I looked pretty damn amazing despite what "mainstream" deemed as sexy!

After two and a half years we ended our relationship, but we still remain the best of friends. I kept my body in shape and worked out regularly for a while until I lost that drive and became complacent with where I was at. We all do it because it is easier to accept what is there rather than striving for what is better. We get lazy and fall back in to old habits or whatever the excuse that makes us sleep better. If I had known that I would gain back half of that 60 pounds in less than a year, you bet your ass I would’ve continued to work out and eat right. It is so much harder to gain back that momentum once you have let it go!

To be continued.....

The Main Event – My battle with Weight and Finding My Inner Goddess!

Round Two: Negative Self-image

My tween/teenage years were a nightmare, I was already developed in certain areas (wink-wink) and I still had my supermodel strut which made me a huge target for other kids to constantly pick on me. Being beat up and called names everyday takes a toll on a girl. I was back to my ways of being self-conscious and hating my body and the way I looked. I had curves and was tall and I thought I was fat and ugly because I let all those people get inside my head. I remained reclusive and didn't talk to people much because I was afraid of what they thought about me.

It wasn't until I turned 18 that I decided I was going to get in the best shape I could and I couldn't give a damn what others thought of me. I had a whole new set of friends and I was finally coming in to my own. I started to embrace what I had, but it wasn't long before I tried to convince myself that I needed to change my body to conform to what the magazines and mainstream media deemed the “norm” of what a woman looks like. I was kidding myself, I have never been nor will I ever be a size zero. I am just not built that way, but I thought I had to look that way to be accepted. I tried everything short of bulimia to look the way I perceived as being beautiful. This was all enough to send me into a terrible downward spiral of depression and horrible negative self-image issues. And even though I was in the best shape of my life I hated my body……

The Main Event – My battle with Weight and Finding My Inner Goddess!

Round One: Self-confidence Learned at an Early Age

As requested, this is my confession of being totally obsessed with my weight! It’s true and if you know me then I am sure I have asked you at some point “Does this make me look fat?” I can’t help myself and I have no one to blame but me, but the good news is that I made it to a point in my life where I can finally embrace my curves and say with conviction that I am sexy as heck….!

I guess the best place to start is from the beginning.... So here it is!

It all started one perfect January afternoon back in 1990 in California at a brunch for my grandmothers birthday. I was discovered by the man who, at the time was the head of the Miss California Pageant Organization. Jeep Jones (head honcho), was staring at me from another table and my grandmother, who (if you know her then you this about her) is a spitfire that ya just don’t want to mess with, stood up and walked over to his table demanding an explanation as to why he had his “creepy little eyes all over her granddaughter”. He stood up and extended his hand with a look of horror in his eyes and introduced himself. Needless to say she was bright red in the face. She took his card and returned to the table too embarrassed to finish her meal.

After several months of preparation I entered the first of many pageants. It started with Miss San Bernardino County where I took 3^rd princes and Miss Photogenic. That was enough to qualify me for the next round which was Miss Inland Empire where I took 2^nd princes, Miss Photogenic, and Most Potential. Not to mention several hundreds of dollars in scholarship money. I qualified for the nationals held in Anaheim which was the beginning of the road to Miss California and eventually Miss America. I did not place in the Nationals, but I did receive Girl of the Year, Miss Photogenic, and Miss Congeniality. And I won several divisions including western wear, prettiest eyes, smile, and face. That was enough to send my self-confidence through the moon and as a tall lanky child who was constantly teased, it was much needed.

My family was transferred to Waycross, GA several months later where I entered one pageant and actually won the title. It was America’s Cover Miss USA and it came with some great prizes and more money. My southern beauty pageant career was short-lived as we eventually moved back home to the great state of Colorado.

A few months in to being back home (where I was born) my mother received a call out of the blue. It was one of the judges from the nationals in Cali. She was also a talent agent for the children’s division of Elite Modeling Agency. She wanted to sign me but I had to go to a modeling school where they could help me lose my pageant ways and become more marketable for print and runway work. I did just that and it started out great until they started hounding me about my weight and nitpicking about everything else. My mother saw the effect this was having on me and so being the wise woman that she is, she yanked me out and that was the end of my life as supermodel.

I was devastated and my family and friends spent the better part of a year trying to convince me that I was beautiful both inside and out. My mother always taught me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that being a good person was far more important than being “ Really, really, ridiculously good looking” LOL! How true those words are but it took me 15 years to really embrace it.

Be Careful About What You Buy!

According to a report by the Organic Monitor, consumer interest in organic and ethical environmental personal care products is relatively high, with the US being the most prolific country seeking quality organic ingredients coupled with ethical environmental practices. An estimated 8 billion dollars alone was spent on organic personal care products by US consumers last year. With an expected growth rate of 3.4 percent annually, consumers are seeking quality products that are marketed, labeled, and produced accordingly with EcoCert, Soil Association or USDA Certified Organic regulations, as well as EPA standards and that offer value-based pricing.

High market growth rates and the absence of official standards are leading to many pseudo-natural products being launched. The proliferation of organic & natural personal care products is making consumers scrutinize the ingredient composition and demand products with high levels of natural extracts, ethical and certified organic ingredients. New entrants like Clinique and Estee Lauder are launching products certified by organizations like Ecocert and Soil Association. Other companies are making products that contain USDA certified organic ingredients.

Newly Single and Dating Again!

There is something to be said about the grieving period of a dead relationship. I, however consistently make bad decisions in that arena and so , true to character, I decided to dive head first back into the proverbial dating pool. I am not sure what was worse, spending the entire evening comparing the sweet new guy to the old “not so sweet” but oh so desirable ex, or the burnt turkey burger he (sweet new guy) served me on an over-processed generic white sesame seed bun…!

While my head is still in compare and contrast mode…. Shall we?

Guy A: Sharp shooter who is defiantly into breaking hearts and thinks the world revolves around him. A self-serving hunter with a sleazy one-track-mind! Often, there was little space left for me after he and his ego entered the room. Defiantly has a chip on the shoulder, but when we were alone he was the sweetest man you could ever hope to share the company of. Driven and ambitious with a heart of gold that I often said was surrounded by the great wall. Which was appropriate since the majority of our relationship was spent with him living in China! Tender, kind, and sincere until he got hungry or something else pissed in his Fruit Loops!

Guy B: Not the one, but a nice break from all the bullshit. He is nice on the eyes, cute smile, and salt & pepper George Clooney hair, which I am a big fan of. If Chris Daughtry and Timothy Olyphant had a baby…! He really is yummy, but seemingly lacks ambition, direction, and goals. On the plus side he is adventurous, but he also said he was good in bed. And any self-promoting “sex God” usually isn’t… ugh! He invited me on a camping trip in Napa Valley, but….. Wait for it…..with his parents! OY VEY!

Guy B scored major points with me when he asked me if I wanted to go on a walk through the park… cute, right! Short lived because when I got there he nixed the walk and decided we would hang at his place and drink wine (we all know what that means)! He might have had a chance if he played is cards right, I’m just sayin’! I decided that since I got all dolled up I would indulge him. If I had known that I would be served a burnt turkey burger on over-processed white sesame seed bun with generic cheese and a side of spinach with stale tortilla chips I would have stayed home. Hell, I have four pounds of turkey burger and a fabulous salad chillin’ right here! He was filled with great conversation though and again, easy on the eyes, which almost made up for the lack of originality on our first and probably only date!

My conclusion, this dating thing is overrated, until I meet that man who shakes me to the core, if he is out there… back to the drawing board.

Goodnight and sweet dreams!

My New Secret Weapon.... Jamie Atlas and Bonza Bodies!

I would like to take a moment and give a shout-out to my friend and personal trainer Jamie Atlas.

Guys, I am going to be real with you. I am not, never have been, or ever will be a size 0, 2, 4, 6, and only once was I a 7/8 (damn I miss those days)! Recently I gained a massive amount of weight (40 ish pounds) and have a few other issues that lead me to believe there is something more going on than just being a chick. I have tried everything, every diet, pill, book, infomercial, etc, and nothing is working. Except Jamie! He just might be the best kept secret the Mile-High City has.

Jamie's knowledge is so extensive and he is so encouraging that it is hard not to want to see him on a daily basis. The results I'm getting even with this recent massive weight gain is amazing to me. I have had many trainers and so I know first hand that this guy is a gem!

When I figure out what is going on with me internally and can control it, well there is just going to be no stopping the fat loss!

Need some feedback!

My business partner was in town this past week and we accomplished a ton of really great stuff.

We met with some really motivated people for our real estate business (Amber, that means you)! Lance was finally able to chat with our attorney in person. We would have liked to meet with title company, but we spaced setting up a meeting. We had a great 45 minute conversation with the lead formulator at BPI labs in Wyoming. She has really been a wealth of knowledge in regards to all that we need to do and who can help us get'er done!

We figured out the weighted formula for the first product that will most likely be launched as a test market soft launch. I had to actually go the a pharmacy and ask for an oral syringe which apparently the pharmacist did not hear the "oral" part of that request. She glared at me with her judgmental eyes and gave me a tongue lashing about the fact that she just "can't give out a syringe"! I mean I know I was on Federal Blvd. but give me a break! It was pretty funny!

Alright, back to business. It would be great to get every ones opinion on what y'all would like to see on the market first. We are thinking a soft launch of one lotion with four scents to start and as we become more successful we will add the bath gel, body butter scrub, and massage oil candle. We could also shoot for the lotion and bath gel with four scents... As a consumer would having 2 products to try be ideal or is one enough for the moment?

All and all a great week and I am so very motivated for things to come!

Next up, picking my color palate -let the fun begin!